these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
