i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
