Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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