My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
