Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
