So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
