i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
