thus making me awesome and them whores
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize