Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
