I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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