I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
