fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
