The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
