Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
