Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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