Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize