totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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