so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
