Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
