I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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