I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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