Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
