if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
