Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
