The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
