The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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