And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
not ubering you a puppy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
