$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize