I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
