Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hate all girls vehemently.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The Olympian is in my bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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