Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
