Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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