I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
