Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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