Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
