Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
