Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pooping to opera.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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