oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
