I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
