Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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