p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
