I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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