We need to rekindle our bromance
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
