My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
