They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
