ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
