She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize