I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
