my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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