What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
