Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
