Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
