I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
