Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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