Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
