I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
