Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
