I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
