stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
