I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
