i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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