Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
