Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
