she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
