Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
