a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize