i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
