Plan B is the new Plan A
I need help removing her.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Someone came in the potted fern
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
