so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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