The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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