he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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