Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
