She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
did you just send me my own nude
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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