you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
